Tough life consequences

Hello and happy new years fellow bloggers! It's been a good 2 months since we've last typed. How has every one been? Life has been alright for the most part. I started a new job not too long ago as an event planner's assistant. I helped plan my first event. A silent auction for a non-profit organization with a Venetian Masquerade theme. But recently life has gone downhill. I made some not so bright decisions not that long ago and the consequences have come back to haunt me in the form a boy I call "Idiot". Now don't get me wrong, I like idiot but I hate him at the same time. Anyways idiot an I have history now and it doesn't help that I see him all the time or that I can't really go too many days without seeing him. But that's not as complicated as it gets because idiot has another crush and when she's around, I'm invisible. I like her sometimes and the other times I don't but it's not for the reasons one would think. As a person, she has some issues and I love her as she is but I can only take her in doses. As competition, I don't even see her like that because I know the backstory. I just don't know what to do. I have come to the realization that I don't NEED a boyfriend, I just want one. The problem is, Idiot doesn't seem like the type to date but hopefully I'll figure it out. I will be sure to keep you all updated of course but until then remember to Follow Your Own and let your Hearts Speak. <3

Inside my Mind

Hey guys...sorry it's been ages. Been super busy with cheer, school, home life, etc. How's it goin you ask? Unfortunately, not all that well anymore. Due to my total bombing of grades (resulting in a 1.8 overall GPA), I am no longer a part of the cheer team. I haven't cried about it yet but it still hurts. We're on Christmas break for now and the new semester doesn't start until the 14th. I'd rather not talk about that right now though. School or cheer. One person I cannot seem to get off my mind is my sailor-boy. It's been two months and two days since we last saw each other face to face and I feel like it's not getting to be any easier. We don't even talk anymore. I'll get random snaps from time to time but that's about it. I'll be honest. I really miss him and while I don't think I could ever really be with a guy from the service right now, he would be the one to make me want to try. I get caught up fantasizing what it would be like if he came back and we got married and had a kid. Granted I'm still pregnant in my fantasies (even though it's only a food baby) and he's not really there until I'm resting in my bed alone, but a girl can dream right? Ha. I probably should stop reading about these kinds of romances though. It's putting these thoughts into my head. I'd like to think I'm in love but I know better. It's just infatuation. The consequence of a bad decision. But hey. It is what it is and until I figure out exactly what It really is, I think I'll try my best to avoid these delusions. For now I guess I'll take my own advice. Remember to always Follow Your Own and let your Hearts Speak. <3

A Soldier's "Left Behind"

Hey everyone. Long time no blog right? College life has been busy and slightly thrilling. Life itself has been the usual...filled with its ups and downs, twists and turns, troubles and solutions, and fly-by blindsides. Speaking of troubles and blindsides (or at least the condensed version)... I have a friend in the Navy and he came back home for a little while (more like a week) and we got to hang out before I left later that week for my girls' cheer competition in Anchorage. Well some things happened and it was glorious. Well I left and he went back to his training base before he flew out on his orders to the Middle East for two years. Somehow, something happened and he never went. He is currently visiting family in the  lower 48. Our last form of communication involved the telephone and that was about a week ago exactly. We talked for a bit and then he had to go as did I. My only question now is why isn't he answering? It's not like he's not receiving them. But whatever. I have to realize that we're not together and that I have no claim whatsoever to his life. While I realize all these things, it's difficult to not feel like a "left behind". Ha. Me and my issues and insecurities. Eventually I'll learn. Don't always assume there's a two way connection. Am I listening to my heart you ask? Strangely enough, my heart has remained silent throughout all of this. That should have been my clue. Well signing off now. As always, I encourage you all to Follow Your Own and let your Heart Speak. <3

To do or to don't

Hello everyone. So this week it seems as if my life has been in utter turmoil. I have been a very active student in study halls and getting my work done. Yay right? Right. Well now it seems that my wheel of turmoil has made its way back to the boy panel. I am yet again torn between three AMAZINGLY wonderful guys. One I have mentioned before-in a recent post actually- and two share an interest in me. One of those two, has asked me on a date to the Blue and Gold hockey game this weekend. He well they all seem super nice. I only know for sure about two of them. The other has been hearsay. Back to hockey guy. We've known each other before but we've never actually met until now. It's always been through other people we knew. With- let's call him football boy-football boy and I go back to like forever? I've liked him longer than I've known him and I'm to the point where I think I could possibly be in love with him. I'm not sure so I won't say anything like that just yet. Problem? Him. Simply put, he has his own demons he has to work out. He has an idea of what I feel for him I think, but again, not entirely sure. He can be a bit slow sometimes. We have plans to hang out this weekend as well. Who knows? Maybe fate will smile down upon me for once and grant this one wish of mine. Hmm well a girl can wish can't she? Which brings me to my last guy. Mr. Classroom. I can barely talk to this guy without fearing that I sound stupid or will blurt out my feelings as my rebellious mouth is known to do on occasion. I've tried dropping hints but I don't think they were all that effective. Case in point, I'm still single. Maybe he just isn't interested. I know there have been a few guys that were most assuredly #teamwhitegirl. He could be on that team. Who knows? Personally I'm rooting for football guy. As sweet as hockey guy is, I've heard too many questionable things about him and I'm not entirely sure if I'd like to go down that road just yet. I'm not THAT rebellious. And it's not like he's a bad boy or anything its just...I don't know. I've heard things and until they're cleared up he's a little low on the list. *sigh* whatever I decide, I just hope he stays around for a little while. As always I'll remember to Follow My Own (and remind you to follow yours) and let my Heart Speak. Goodnight everyone.

Procrastination at its finest

Sooo i'm supposed to be finishing my homework for my classes thereby concluding my first full week of school but it doesn't look like is gonna happen. There's this uber cute guy in one of my classes and man-oh-man! let me just say: DE-LISH! *sigh* I hope he's single. If I had a boyfriend, I would want it to be him. Just sayin'. Anyways, signing off. Gotta be productive...(right). Remember to always Follow Your Own and let your Heart Speak.

Competitors in Conflicts and Contests..

Sooooo, a few days ago, I had my first OFFICIAL college party. I have to say official because it's not really my first college party. (That's another story for another time.) Anyways it was absolutely AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! I loved every second of it. There was a minor scare but it was resolved quickly. On a side note that's kinda completely off topic, I. Love. My. Team. They are absolutely amazing and I am so happy to be one of them. Back to the subject here. Competitors in Conflicts and Contests. So the majority of my team knows about this crush that I have on this guy. Give me a moment, let me daydream in lust for a bit....Back. He is just so cute! Anyways, I get into the dance and I'm looking around and I finally find him...with one of the last people I expected to see. In hindsight, I guess I'm not that surprised but it still stings a bit. This is where the contest comes in...How do I even compete with her? Should I even bother? I believe that all is fair in love and war, (when really they're not that different if you think about it) but why would I engage in a war if I already know I'm gonna lose? I mean how do I even know he's interested? So I just went with it. Later on, the conflict came and I was stuck in the middle of it. I'm just gonna go off on a tangent here and say, if you want to get back at someone for hurting you, or as part of some masochistic game y'all play, LEAVE ME OUT OF IT. I'm not one to get into a "lover's spat" or whatever you may see each other as. I don't know if he was being a saboteur or a prick but he didn't help my goal of the night. And later he asks if I'm still interested in him and of course I said yes. Not too sure if he was happy about that but I don't care. I didn't come for you and you knew that in the first place. I don't do leftovers. He knew who I was after and I wonder if he said anything to him...well enough of my rambling. Just wanted to keep you guys updated. Remember to always Follow Your Own and let your Heart Speak.

College Life

So I've almost finished half a full week of college classes and I must say, half of this high school did not prepare me for so i'm kinda testing it out as I go, and the other half is pretty much what I thought it would be. My schedule is pretty amazing and I have the opportunity to meet so many new people it's astounding! I have a few cuties that I've seen here and there and well, let's face it. I'm in need of a boyfriend....or cuddle-buddy really...*sigh* I've finished working on homework for now so I think i'm actually gonna hit the mattress and sleep for a bit. Busy day tomorrow learning new things and all that jazz and crockery and whatnot. The life of a college student isn't easy of course. You're constantly broke, your brain is crammed to capacity and then your professors expect you to cram more in -all in one class sitting mind you- and on top of that you either have a job and do a sport or have some other activities that make your days that much more bearable and your life that much more interesting. Maybe i'm wrong. Maybe I just didn't learn all of what was necessary. Maybe I did. All I can say is try your best always. Follow Your Own (you can never go wrong) and remember to always let your Heart Speak (it usually knows best). Goodnight everyone.